Barnyard Massacre is a film. A very, very gory film. It contains ninjas, blood, cows, blood, tanks, blood, explosions... and blood. It is the story of a certain Clive Cow, who goes on a rampaging massacre through the world. And why is it called Barnyard Massacre, you may ask? Because it is. However, do not let the name fool you. This is not a children's film. It uses the technique used in such films as 'Peppa Pig: The Revenge' and 'Thomas the Tank Engine: Is You ****ing With Me, B*tch?'. Okay, maybe the last one was a bit obvious, but that doesn't mean it doesn't give a 4 year old nightmares. Imagine what my mind was going through after seeing the Fat Controller being given a punishment that can only be described as a "Rectal Cherry Bomb".
But lest we forget, sinners, we are talking about Barnyard Massacre here. So, let me explain the plot. Henry Horse, the evil villain, sets off a missile that destroys Clive Cow's house. This doesn't bother him to much, until he realises that in his house at the time was the latest copy of 'Weapons of Locallised Pretty Bad Destruction'. The fact that it was also destroyed makes Clive Cow so angry, he goes on a giant rampage and kills everyone, as apparently, everyone is a henchman of Henry Horse. The first bit happens in the first 5 to 10 minutes. The rest takes up the rest of the 2 and a half hour film, and has no plot whatsoever.
Clive Cow has his usual arsenal with him, and uses it to utterly destroy and kill everything in his path. And his path is a 10km radius around himself at all times.
So, by the Power vested in me by his Noodly Appendage, I say goodbye!
A
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